Aunt Eileen

When I was a child, my extended family was a very important part of my life.  I spent many weekends with my Aunt Eileen (my mother's sister), Uncle Joe (my mother's brother), and Great-Aunt Flo (my father's aunt, and yes, that's her real name, and no, I don't mean that special monthly gift).  As I got older, for many reasons, I saw less and less of them.  By the time I was a teenager, I hardly saw them at all.  Yet, each of these people holds a very dear place in my heart.

My Aunt Eileen taught me to call children, "sweetie." She introduced me to chocolate croissants, to the notion that you could be a mom and listen to hip music, and how to play Mille Bornes. 

My Uncle Joe taught me that I would not actually *die* from having a cup of milk with my ham.  He also left me with the indelible memory of the sign on his pool - "Welcome to our ool.  Notice there's no "p" in it.  Let's keep it that way."  And he taught me that Rottweilers can actually be very sweet dogs.

My Aunt Flo taught me to enjoy scrambled eggs with pepperoni in them.  And she taught me fantastic poems such as Annabel Lee and The Pobble Who Has No Toes and the classic, "Poor Little Kristin sitting in the tub.  Her mother forgot to put in the plug.  Oh my goodness, what a shame.  There goes Kristin down the drain."  She was (and is) an amazing source of unconditional love an acceptance in my life.

Each of these beautiful, wonderful, amazing people cared for me, shaped me, set an example for me, and most importantly, loved me.

But as I got older I spent less and less time with them until eventually I hardly saw them at all.  My Aunt Eileen and Uncle Joe had moved to upstate New York, and so we didn't see them all that often.  My Aunt Flo was in Queens, and I spent most of my time as a teenager hanging out with my friends in Brooklyn.  As I grew into a young adult, and got married, I began to feel the lack of these particular people in my life.  But by that time I was living in Chicago, newly married, and not really sure how to go about reconnecting.  So I didn't really try to.

Over the years I thought about them often.  Periodically, I even had conversations with each of them.  When my mom was dying, I saw more of my Aunt Eileen and my Uncle Joe than I had in many years.  That was one of the hardest times of my life, and honestly, it was too emotionally charged to really bring about big changes in these relationships. There were some hurt feelings, and my Aunt and I parted not on bad terms, but not on good terms either.

And then,some seven years later (spring of 2009), something happened.  I found an old family friend who had known my Aunt Eileen when I was a child.  He talked about her sometimes and I started to awaken to a desire to have her in my life.  I didn't know how to go about it though.  A few months ago, I remembered thinking that she might have some family photos and decided to call her and ask her for copies.  I honestly did want copies of the pictures and I hoped (but didn't admit this to myself) that asking for this favor might open a door. 

Asking didn't open a door.  It opened a floodgate.

Ever since my mother died (eight and a half years ago as of this writing) I have had a mom-sized hole in my heart.   She and I had relationship issues, but she was my mom.  She knew me better than anyone on the planet, even my amazing husband.  And we never got to heal those issues.  And after she died, I finally allowed myself to be mad at her for what was missing in our relationship.  So much so that for many years I didn't even want to mourn.  I knew that allowing myself to have those feelings would be the only way to begin to move past them.  And then this past Mother's Day, for the very first time, I missed her achingly.  Just writing about her now has me wiping tears away.  I am 38 (almost 39) and still, sometimes, life gets overwhelming and I want my mom.  And truthfully, although I cannot have her back in this earthly life, I have been given an amazing gift.  A gift of grace.  A gift from God.  And that gift is my Aunt Eileen.

She is mentoring me.  She is teaching me to be harder on myself in healthy ways, in ways that matter, and to be kinder to myself and the world around me.  She is teaching me to be more aware of my relationship with myself, with my children, with my husband, and with my Heavenly Father.  She is actively cheering and guiding me as I exercise and revamp my entire eating philosophy.  She is directing me toward taking charge in a no more excuses kind of way of the things in my life that I have identified as lacking. She is filling that mom sized hole in my heart.  And for that, I cannot thank her enough.

I can do this though:

She has asked me to be more aware of my blessings, and to focus on the things I am grateful for. So, for the rest of this month, every day, I will post a new "Grateful for" on my blog each day.  There are many, many gratefuls in my life, but today, I will start with her.


I am grateful for my Aunt Eileen.  I am grateful for the guidance she is giving me, for the time she is investing in me, and for the lessons she is sending my way.  I am grateful for our renewed relationship, and that she loves me enough to stand up to me and for me. I am grateful that she is helping me to heal that hole-- that missing piece.  So today, Aunt Eileen, my first grateful is you.  From the very bottom of my heart, thank you so, so much.