The infamous Pokemon card auction

Michael emailed this to me and I thought I'd share. Too funny...

eBay auction: LOT OF POKEMON CARDS THAT MY KIDS TRIED TO SNEAK BY ME

Item number: 130144061675

I'm selling a bunch of Pokemon cards. Why? Because my kids sneaked them into my shopping cart while at the grocery store and I ended up buying them because I didn't notice they were there until we got home. How could I have possibly not noticed they were in my cart, you ask? Let me explain.

You haven’t lived until you’ve gone grocery shopping with six kids in tow. I would rather swim, covered in bait, through the English Channel, be a contestant on Fear Factor when they’re having pig brains for lunch, or do fourth grade math than to take my six kids to the grocery store. Because I absolutely detest grocery shopping, I tend to put it off as long as possible. There comes a time, however, when you’re peering into your fridge and thinking, ‘Hmmm, what can I make with ketchup, Italian dressing, and half an onion,’ that you decide you cannot avoid going to the grocery store any longer. Before beginning this most treacherous mission, I gather all the kids together and give them “The Lecture“.

“The Lecture“ goes like this…

MOM: “We have to go to the grocery store.”

KIDS: “Whine whine whine whine whine.“

MOM: “Hey, I don’t want to go either, but it’s either that or we’re eating cream of onion-ketchup soup and drinking Italian dressing for dinner tonight.”

KIDS: “Whine whine whine whine whine.“

MOM: “Now here are the rules: do not ask me for anything, do not poke the packages of meat in the butcher section, do not test the laws of physics and try to take out the bottom can in the pyramid shaped display, do not play baseball with oranges in the produce section, and most importantly, do not try to leave your brother at the store. Again.”

OK, the kids have been briefed. Time to go.

Once at the store, we grab not one, but two shopping carts. I wear the baby in a sling and the two little children sit in the carts while I push one cart and my oldest son pushes the other one.

My oldest daughter is not allowed to push a cart. Ever. Why? Because the last time I let her push the cart, she smashed into my ankles so many times, my feet had to be amputated by the end of our shopping trip. This is not a good thing. You try running after a toddler with no feet sometime.

At this point, a woman looks at our two carts and asks me, “Are they all yours?” I answer good naturedly, “Yep!
“Oh my, you have your hands full.”
“Yes, I do, but it‘s fun!” I say smiling. I’ve heard all this before. In fact, I hear it every time I go anywhere with my brood.

We begin in the produce section where all these wonderfully, artistically arranged pyramids of fruit stand. There is something so irresistibly appealing about the apple on the bottom of the pile, that a child cannot help but try to touch it. Much like a bug to a zapper, the child is drawn to this piece of fruit. I turn around to the sounds of apples cascading down the display and onto the floor. Like Indiana Jones, there stands my son holding the all-consuming treasure that he just HAD to get and gazing at me with this dumbfounded look as if to say, “Did you see that??? Wow! I never thought that would happen!”

I give the offending child an exasperated sigh and say, “Didn’t I tell you, before we left, that I didn’t want you taking stuff from the bottom of the pile???”

“No. You said that you didn’t want us to take a can from the bottom of the pile. You didn’t say anything about apples.”

With superhuman effort, I resist the urge to send my child to the moon and instead focus on the positive - my child actually listened to me and remembered what I said!!! I make a mental note to be a little more specific the next time I give the kids The Grocery Store Lecture.
A little old man looks at all of us and says, “Are all of those your kids?”
Thinking about the apple incident, I reply, “Nope. They just started following me. I’ve never seen them before in my life.”

OK, now onto the bakery section where everything smells so good, I’m tempted to fill my cart with cookies and call it a day. Being on a perpetual diet, I try to hurry past the assortment of pies, cakes, breads, and pastries that have my children drooling. At this point the chorus of “Can we gets” begins.

“Can we get donuts?”
“No.”
“Can we get cupcakes?”
“No.”
“Can we get muffins?”
“No.”
“Can we get pie?”
“No.”

You’d think they’d catch on by this point, but no, they’re just getting started.

In the bakery, they’re giving away free samples of coffee cake and of course, my kids all take one. The toddler decides he doesn’t like it and proceeds to spit it out in my hand. (That’s what moms do. We put our hands in front of our children’s mouths so they can spit stuff into them. We’d rather carry around a handful of chewed up coffee cake, than to have the child spit it out onto the floor. I’m not sure why this is, but ask any mom and she’ll tell you the same.) Of course, there’s no garbage can around, so I continue shopping one-handed while searching for someplace to dispose of the regurgitated mess in my hand.

In the meat department, a mother with one small baby asks me, “Wow! Are all six yours?”
I answer her, “Yes, but I’m thinking of selling a couple of them.”
(Still searching for a garbage can at this point.)

Ok, after the meat department, my kids’ attention spans are spent. They’re done shopping at this point, but we aren’t even halfway through the store. This is about the time they like to start having shopping cart races. And who may I thank for teaching them this fun pastime? My seventh “child”, also known as my husband. While I’m picking out loaves of bread, the kids are running down the aisle behind the carts in an effort to get us kicked out of the store. I put to stop to that just as my son is about to crash head on into a giant cardboard cut-out of a Keebler elf stacked with packages of cookies.

Ah! Yes! I find a small trash can by the coffee machine in the cereal aisle and finally dump out the squishy contents of my hand. After standing in the cereal aisle for an hour and a half while the kids perused the various cereals, comparing the marshmallow and cheap, plastic toy content of each box, I broke down and let them each pick out a box. At any given time, we have twenty open boxes of cereal in my house.

As this is going on, my toddler is playing Houdini and maneuvering his little body out of the seat belt in an attempt to stand up in the cart. I’m amazed the kid made it to his second birthday without suffering a brain damaging head injury. In between trying to flip himself out of the cart, he sucks on the metal bars of the shopping cart. Mmmm, can you say “influenza”?

The shopping trip continues much like this. I break up fights between the kids now and then and stoop down to pick up items that the toddler has flung out of the cart. I desperately try to get everything on my list without adding too many other goodies to the carts.

Somehow I manage to complete my shopping in under four hours and head for the check-outs where my kids start in on a chorus of, “Can we have candy?” What evil minded person decided it would be a good idea to put a display of candy in the check-out lanes, right at a child’s eye level? Obviously someone who has never been shopping with children.

As I unload the carts, I notice many extra items that my kids have sneaked in the carts unbeknownst to me. I remove a box of Twinkies, a package of cupcakes, a bag of candy, and a can of cat food (we don’t even have a cat!). I somehow missed the box of Pokemon cards however and ended up purchasing them unbeknownst to me. As I pay for my purchases, the clerk looks at me, indicates my kids, and asks, “Are they all yours?”

Frustrated, exhausted from my trip, sick to my stomach from writing out a check for $289.53, dreading unloading all the groceries and putting them away and tired of hearing that question, I look at the clerk and answer her in my most sarcastic voice, “No. They’re not mine. I just go around the neighborhood gathering up kids to take to the grocery store because it’s so much more fun that way.”

So, up for auction is an opened (they ripped open the box on the way home from the store) package of Pokemon cards. There are 44 cards total. They're in perfect condition, as I took them away from the kiddos as soon as we got home from the store. Many of them say "Energy". I tried carrying them around with me, but they didn't work. I definitely didn't have any more energy than usual. One of them is shiny. There are a few creature-like things on many of them. One is called Pupitar. Hee hee hee Pupitar! (Oh no! My kids' sense of humor is rubbing off on me!) Anyway, I don't there's anything special about any of these cards, but I'm very much not an authority on Pokemon cards. I just know that I'm not letting my kids keep these as a reward for their sneakiness.

Shipping is FREE on this item. Insurance is optional, but once I drop the package at the post office, it is no longer my responsibility. For example, if my son decides to pour a bottle of glue into the envelope, or my daughter spills a glass of juice on the package, that’s my responsibility and I will fully refund your money. If, however, I take the envelope to the post office and a disgruntled mail carrier sets fire to it, a pack of wild dogs rip into it, or a mail sorting machine shreds it, it’s out of my hands, so you may want to add insurance. I will leave feedback for you as soon as I’ve received your payment. I will be happy to combine shipping on multiple items won within three days. This comes from a smoke-free, pet-free, child-filled home. Please ask me any questions before placing your bid. Happy bidding! :)

It's raining, it's pouring...

I woke up to the sound of a thunderstorm this morning. Ugh! It makes it so hard to get up. Thunderstorms are so cozy when you're in you're bed all snuggled under your down blanket.

Last night, Adam and I had dinner together at the Olive Garden. Michael had to work late, and so Adam and I had a little dinner date. He wanted to sit at the bar because they have high chairs (chairs that are high, not chairs for babies). After sitting on a big tall chair for awhile, he turned to me and said "Mommy, we should have sat at a regular chair." "Why?" I asked. "Because," he said "It's too hard for my feet to touch the ground in these chairs."

He really liked our server as well. She was very nice to him and interacted with him a lot. Servers everywhere take note: One of the surest ways to get a big tip from a mom is to amuse the kids. Adam told her she was the bestest servant ever. (I am trying to teach him the difference between server and servant but no luck so far). When we were leaving, he said he was going to miss her. That's his other big phrase. He's always going to miss whoever he's enjoyed interacting with. Then, throughout the day, he'll sigh and say "I miss so and so." He's such a sweet natured boy.

His new phrase is "I appreciate it." (pronounced ap-wee-she-ate). Any time we do anything for him, (i.e. when I bought him Frosted Shredded Wheat) he says "Thank you buying me that Frosty Sugar Cereal. I appreciate it." When I bought him a Lunchable for his lunch today, he said it was the best day ever. Remember when we were that easily pleased? Me neither.

Adam, at the Olive Garden, with olive fingers.

Recipe o' the until whenever I put another one up...

Since I'm a chef, I thought I oughta share some ancient Chinese secrets or at least some favorite family recipes. I'll add new ones when I want to. Feel free to make requests. I accept bribes. Get 'em while they're hot because I'll only put up one at a time and once it's gone, it's -well, then you'd have to email me and I'd have to get back to you and that's all very time consuming.

Italian Wedding Soup by MK Gentile


OUT OF A CAN???? My grandmother would turn over in her grave!!! Here's the recipe for REAL wedding soup.

Made in a stockpot starting with a gallon or two of water.

Ingredients:

Water - gallon or more. Fill the stockpot.
Chicken - I prefer 2 to 3 chicken breasts on the bone but any part of the chicken can be used, bones included.
Escarole - Curly, Italian. 3 to 4 heads, washed, parboiled, cooled and then chopped spinach style.
Onion - one medium to small, medium diced.
Celery - 2 or 3 small stalks, thinly sliced, may add some of the leaves but remove later.
Carrot - one large broken into a couple of pieces and removed once soup is done.
Parsley - if fresh chopped about 1/2 C. If dried, approx. 2 Tablespoons.
Chicken Bullion Cubes -4 to 6 depending on taste. If using a whole chicken, cut-up w/bones, may not need.
Salt and Pepper - to taste.
Meatballs - marble sized. Recipe to follow. Its only chicken soup without meatballs.

Boil the chicken in the water with the salt, pepper, onion, celery, carrot and parsley until the chicken is very tender. Constantly remove the scum and fat that accumulates on the boiling water. Remove the chicken and allow to cool. Once cooled, shred into stringy bite-sized pieces. Do not cut or chop...grandma would have a fit.

Once the chicken is shredded add back to water along with chopped escarole...do not substitute with spinach...you'll hate it. Allow to boil very slowly while you mix the meatball ingredients. You can mix ahead and refrigerate and add as last ingredient.

If you like pasta in you soup, we used Pastina...it looked like grains of rice. You need only to parboil (do not fully cook), drain and add to soup after the meatballs.

Meatballs: (This is the same for the golf ball-sized meatballs I make for spaghetti)
1lb. ground meat, 1/2lb. ground pork, 1/2lb. ground veal. Ratio is always 2:1:1
Bread crumbs - approx. one cup
Grated Romano cheese - approx. 1/2 cup
2 - 3 whole eggs
2-3 slices of old bread. I save the ends or stale stuff in the freezer until I make meatballs.

Next are all approximate...I don't measure so I'm guessing. Once mixed, if it tastes good you've added the right amounts.

1T of chopped garlic or more if you like garlicky. I use the kind in the jar with oil. Freshly chopped garlic would be about 3 cloves. Minced can be used also. You want tiny bits not slices.
2-3 T dried parsley
1-2 t Italian seasoning
2 t Oregano or more depending on how spicy you want them
1-3 t of salt or to taste
pepper to taste

Place all of the meat in a large bowl and make a well. Sprinkle on all of the seasonings and garlic. Add the cheese, then bread crumbs. Wet, then squeeze out the water from the slices of bread. Crumble on top of bread crumbs. You can skip this step but may need to add another egg. Then add a couple of eggs and mix everything but the meat...with your hands, no utensils here. Once well combined start mixing in the meat. The mixture should be moist to the touch just like a meatloaf. If too dry add another egg. Continue to mix with hands almost like making bread. John's job was to taste the raw mixture to see if it needed more salt, oregano, garlic or whatever. A small taste raw won't hurt...Italians have been doing it for centuries.

With two fingers, I pinch enough meat to roll a marble-sized meatball. As I make each one, I throw it into the slowly boiling soup (they cook in seconds). You'll probably make 50 to 100 meatballs or more. I like to have enough so that every spoonful has 2 or 3 meatballs. You can bake the tiny meatballs and freeze if it seems to be too many but its probably not.

Allow soup to slowly boil or simmer for at least a couple of hours. It will reduce some. Before serving, remove the carrot and celery leaves. Broth should be fairly clear and have a good, tangy chicken broth taste. It gets better the second or third time its reheated and served. You can freeze in freezer bags or containers.

Then, if you want to go whole hog. My grandmother used to make French Toast substituting the sugar with some grated Roman cheese. It was cooled and diced crouton size, served in a large bowl at the table and people could sprinkle a handful into the soup. We always had Romano cheese to add at the table also. Never Parmesan.

That's it. Buon Apetito!

And we're off...

So, I'm officially starting a blog - our friends, Tyler and Miriam Bastian inspired me! I can't promise extraordinarily regular updates, but feel free to check back any time.

This summer has been a busy one! We've had two trips to Wyoming (first to see our dear friend Tera graduate from high school, then to help her settle in to her dorm), one trip to Illinois to visit our sweet Frankie, and a whole lotta work and school.

Adam started kindergarten earlier this month, and he loves, loves, loves it. His teacher's name is Mrs. Zeally. Out of his
mouth, it sounds more like "Mrs. Silly."

K-6 students attend year-round school here in our school district. Unfortunately for Adam, this meant that he went to school for two weeks, and then got a three week vacation. Michael took advantage of Adam's break from school, and the two of them are enjoying some quality time together.

On Friday they spent the day at Thanksgiving Point (www.thanksgivingpoint.com) enjoying the children's gardens and the petting zoo. They fed goats, ducks, and a llama. Adam had a baby cow rub his head against him. Today they're going fishing (Adam's first time fishing) and picnicking at a local pond, and then swimming at the local pool.

It was really great to see Frankie a couple of weeks ago. We miss having her in our home so much. We're happy to say that she is starting to show some signs of improvement.

She's just been through so much trauma in her life. We have deemed this her "Year of the Butterfly." It is her year to strengthen her wings and learn to how to push her way out of her cocoon.

We see all the beauty that is in her already, and we want her to see it too. While our visit with her had its awkward moments (sort of forced fun), it was worth every moment. She's got a long road ahead of her, and although we miss her, we know she is where she needs to be. It's good to see her little moments of progress - like when she's able to actually name her feelings, and when she's able to connect cause and effect. She's also growing and really looks like the teenager she is.

Michael is enjoying his job, gunning for an engineering position, and working hard. I'm working, gunning to stop working, and loving the time I spend with my family.

It's been a tough year, but we're starting to feel the warmth of the light at the end of this crazy roller coaster tunnel. We can't wait to hit full sunlight, but until then we'll keep plugging away.

We hope you enjoy keeping up with the adventures of the Hootens. Until next time...