Nothing, what's snew with you?

So a guy walks up to another guy and asks him if he'd like some snew. "Snew," says the second guy, "what's snew?" "Nothing," replies the first guy, "what's 'new' with you?"
(INSERT GROAN HERE)
That my friends, is about what's (or what's not) happening here, hence the lack of blog posts. I'll give you the breakdown:

Michael - same job, same bat time, same bat station. We're grateful for the job.

Kristin - working at Weight Watchers, having some good days, some not as good days. At least I'm not gaining weight!

Frankie - preparing for her recital on May 22nd. Anybody want to be here for that? You're welcome to join us!

Adam - homeschooling, playing with friends. Overall, it's a good life. Betta still alive. The Betta's name is Perry. Perry the Betta.

Thomas - has a fever today, picking up new words all the time. The words that we know he now knows are: Ma, Da, Na-nee (Frankie), Baaaaa (Max), A-dee (Adam), Nana (our friend Riana), caca, sting cheeeee(string cheese), Goom followed by bah (goomba), boo,no, yah, book, shoe, here, bye, hi, there, pooh, Elmo and a growl sound that means Cookie Monster. He can also sign "more" and "please." We're working on sign language for "thank you." He has conversations with us on a regular basis, but only he (and possibly God) know what he's saying. Those conversations go something like this: "Maaaaaa (or Daaaaaaa)?" "Yes, Thomas?" "Bzhaa scree ajahjada blado bluh jah adebudo gaaaali" followed by him nodding his head. We occasionally catch something that might be "I love you," but it's hard to say for certain.

Max - growing so quickly. He can turn over, but has a hard time turning back over. He has a huge smile, and I swear that when he smiles at me he uses every muscle in his face. It's so sweet. He talks a lot too, but his language is even less discernible than Thomas' and I'm almost positive that God understands everything he says. I hold Max up in front of me, and he smiles and launches into his little Max conversation (lots of squeals, ahs, and ah oooos) and I respond with "Oh, really?" and "Tell me more." Talk. Answer. Rinse. Repeat. Okay, maybe not rinse.

So, maybe we did have a few "snew" things, but nothing mind boggling or earth shattering. That's really not so bad. Life's not easy for us (teenage daughters are um... interesting), but we take joy in the easy and simple things. And that folks, is all she wrote.

(Except for) Until next time...

This scrapbook design generated with Smilebox

A fish story

Today, a goldfish broke my heart.

I hate goldfish. Not the crackery kind - those are sort of yummy. The live kind. The kind that need to have their water changed on a weekly basis. The kind that look adorable swimming in their little tanks, with their colorful rocks and their plastic plant life. I hate them. Because tonight (as I knew she inevitably would), my son's goldfish took her turn (er, spin?) in that great toilet bowl in the sky.

Let me go back a little bit.

December 2009

Adam is bursting with excitement. You see, he has FINALLY earned his very own pet goldfish. We are very proud of him. He has learned to stay in his bed all night for over a month and despite every bad dream, against every desire for the comforts of mom and dad's bed, he has prevailed for 30 days in a row and can now go the store and buy his chosen reward - his very own goldfish. Every day for almost a week he hopes that today will be the day we will go to the fish store and pick up his very special fish. And I watch his joy-filled little face as he picks out his very favorite goldfish. He tells everyone about his goldfish - other customers in the store, the check-out lady, every friend he comes in contact with, and practically every stranger he meets.

Today is a proud day for Adam, and a bittersweet day for Adam's mommy. I know that goldfish generally do not have a very long life expectancy, and I know that at some point, my son will likely have to deal with the loss of a beloved friend. Today was that day. And this is why I hate goldfish.



And tomorrow, since I love my son WAAAAAAY more than I hate golfish, we will go to the fish store and buy Goldie the second. Who will be a Beta. Because they live longer. (I hope).

February - more like Flyingbyuary

Okay, so I know that title doesn't work that well, but it's good enough for me today.

I know February is a short month, but that doesn't mean time usually moves faster! It has moved surprisingly quickly though, considering all we've had on our already overflowing plates. I'm glad February is almost over. To me the start of March means that spring is springing.

I need crocuses and daffodils and green buds. I need the hope of renewal and rebirth. I need a fresh start so very badly. Here are the fresh start areas I'm looking forward to:

Frankie -

Sending Frankie away was difficult, but she really needed it. We are optimistic about her impending return (a week from today). We are cautiously optimistic, only because her choices are out of our hands. That being said, we are hopeful because she has fantastic skills and support. We pray she will choose to use these resources.

Health -

I am so so so so so so (did I mention so) very sick of illness. Since Max has been born, we've visited the ER twice for me and twice for Max. We've visited our pediatrician's office seven times in the past seven weeks (although one was for a well-baby check). The RSV has been the most persistent condition we've had to deal with, and it kills me to have Max back on oxygen. He hates it. I don't know if babies his age (ten weeks) are capable of deliberate behavior, but he rubs his face on me to remove his cannula and thrashes his head while I am putting it back in his nose. Hopefully, he'll be done with oxygen by the middle of the week. Also, I have signed up for Weight Watchers so that I can start planning now for our March 1st start date. I'm apprehensive (having failed at losing weight so many times before), but I am motivated. It's past time for me to start taking better care of myself. Michael says he's going to join me in it, and I hope he will.

Homeschool -

I've decided I'm not a huge fan of the K-12 curriculum we have chosen for Adam. We're still using it, but we're shopping for a more unit based approach. I think we've found a good one at www.movingbeyondthepage.com It's more unit based, and encourages a more critical thinking mindset.

House -

Tomorrow is about getting organized. Then, starting this week my dear friend, Nicole is going to help me actually deep clean. I know it's a little early for spring cleaning, but I don't care. I need to feel like my house is manageable, especially since winter is entailing a lot of time being INDOORS in my house.

Finances -

I haven't really had a chance to delve into that as much. Too many things are in the air. I need to figure out a way to bring in a source of income, and I actually want to start purchasing and selling scrap gold because I have an amazing in with a refinery (via my dad) and can actually get a significantly higher sell price than almost any other place. As my dad says, there are people out there who want to sell their gold, and do so all the time - I just have to find them.

Ugh - that's enough talk about what I want to start anew with. It's all overwhelming, and talking about it in big chunks reminds me of how overwhelming it is. Since I can't deal with it all at once, I'm not going to.

The most prevalent thing for me right now is that we are on the mend from this horrible RSV thing. This weekend is simply about rest and cleaning. I know these sound like opposites, but it's just about finding a balance.

And on that note, it's time for me to go nurse the baby. (When isn't it time to go nurse the baby?)

February Dinner Calendar

It's been a busy year so far and we're only in month two! Nothing remarkable has happened, which isn't a bad thing - actually, it's kind of nice. We pass our days together - homeschooling, watching old school Sesame Street, taking drives. It's peaceful and exhausting and stir-crazy making, and in its own kind of way, lovely.

Thomas is increasing his vocabulary - besides Mama, Daddy, No, Night Night, and hi, he also knows the word 'nana (as in banana) and can sign the word for "more." Everything is a phone to Thomas and he "talks" to people all the time. In fact, if you get a phone call from me and I'm not there, it's probably Thomas calling you while I've snuck away for necessary reasons. He seems to have a penchant for calling Frankie's therapists on a (sometimes) daily basis.

Max is growing by leaps and bounds and has his two month checkup this week. I bet he'll weigh in at least 12 pounds. He's finally (finally!!!!) off of oxygen and I can schedule the tank pick up as soon as we clear him for a couple more nights on his monitor.

Michael and I are looking to recarpet our heavy traffic family room. We also want to replace our Rubber Ducky yellow walls with a soft cocoa-y color.

I am planning a get together of other home schooling families for Valentine's Day, and I'm excited for new friends for both Adam and myself.

Frankie is still at Second Nature, and we are making plans for her transition home. I pray with all my might that she can make a go of this and turn her life around.

Adam reported to me today that he didn't want to meet new people right now because he is shy. If you know him, you just snorted, and possibly did a spit-take.

Like I said, not much happening. Looking at different home school curriculum possibilities for Adam, continuing my quest for a cleaner, more organized home and life, and looking forward to starting Weight Watchers on March 1st. Honestly, it may not be an exciting life, but the older I get, the better "less excitement" sounds.

Until next time .... (oh, and the dinner calendar is below)

Since it didn't print, tonight was dinner out, and tomorrow is Tacos. You can take it from there.

A visit from Grandpa Coach

Seven plus years ago, when Adam was soon to be born, I asked my dad what he would like the kids to call him. In my family, we always referred to our grandparents by their title plus their first name (i.e. Grandma Sarah, Grandma Katherine, etc). I thought though that I would let our parents choose. Michael's father and my mother are deceased, so they got Grandpa Leroy and Grandma Sherry by default. Michael's mother chose Nummie, which was how Frankie already knew her. Michael's step-father was already known as Daddy Jack, so that stuck too. Hiram chose not to have a title, so we assigned Grandpa Hiram to him (although he objects because technically he says he's not their grandparent, we consider him to be so anyway). Mary Kay chose KK because that's what her nieces and nephew already called her. My father, who had coached soccer for many years, jokingly said "I don't know Kristin. Tell them to call me Coach, alright." So I did :-) He became Grandpa Coach, and Grandpa Coach it remains.

We loved having him here for Christmas, and hope he gets to come back sooner rather than later. We had a really beautiful visit - nice and simple. Meals, a little thrift store shopping (if you know my dad, it's the only place he shops - well, that and eBay), exchanging of Christmas gifts (thanks to both Dad & MK for their generosity), and just family time together. They say to always leave them wanting more - well, Dad - we want more. We miss you and wish we could see you a lot more often.

January Dinner Calendar plus BIG life lessons

This is a lengthy post, but here's a dangling carrot to get you through - there's a great Adam quote shortly before the end. Please know that I am not trying to force my views on anyone. I hope you'll read this because I'm sharing a piece of who I am, but know that I write about who I am - not who I think anyone else should be. And I'm writing this because this blog is for my posterity. I'm not a good journal keeper, but by keeping this blog I'm taking a step in the right direction. So here goes...

My dear sweet friend Michele often wonders how I do this - how do I balance Frankie's extensive needs, the needs of Adam, the needs of Thomas, and have a newborn, oh yeah and a home and a marriage and a sense of self? How do I cope day to day?

Well, that's the answer - I have found that for the most part I do exactly that - cope day to day. I try not to make too many long range plans, and try to plan for tomorrow...tonight. We pack the diaper bag at night. We lay out our clothes for the next day at night. We plan our school lessons at night. We set out tomorrow night's dinner ingredients to defrost at night. I go to the grocery store at night. Soon, I'll be making tomorrow's lunches at night. This is all pretty new to us, and we're not perfect at it, but we are doing our level best and have to be satisfied with that.

Here are a few more of my coping skills:

The dinner calendar and anything else that helps me feel organized honestly make a huge difference. And Michael makes a huge difference - I could absolutely not do any of this without him. I have no idea how single mothers manage. I really don't. And I cope because I have amazing friends who seem to know exactly when to bring dinner and/or listening ears to my table. I let go of the idea that my house has to be clean and perfect. For now, I've even let go of the notion that our individual daily clothing choices have to work well together. I'm learning to let go - but I'm doing so because I know I need to, and I know I'll be able to reclaim some of my standards later. And frankly, those that I don't reclaim, I won't reclaim for a reason.

We live in a time of enormous expectations - people expect themselves to have the best car, the nicest home, a perfect picture of a perfect life. I've bought into all of it. I am a covetous person. I wish I weren't and I'm trying to teach myself not to be. I covet that other people have a baby girl and I don't. I covet that you are better at keeping your house clean than I am. I covet your relatively newer car. I tend to look at the best of what everyone else has and compare it with the worst things in my life. It's horribly detrimental because I really do need the lesson of being happy with what I have because I really am so incredibly blessed. And I have learned that I am so far from unique in this - which I why I share it in such a public place. Because someone else who reads these words should remember this and know they aren't alone. Not long ago, on Facebook I posted the following:

"None are exempt from hard times and not are exempt from better days. Do not envy another's blessings unless you covet their trials as well."

Funny how I've never wished for someone else's trials instead of my own.

One of my all time favorite quotes reminds me of why it's important to have appropriate expectations:

"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed. The fact is that most putts don't drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, and most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is just like an old time rail journey ... delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."

-Gordon B. Hinckley

I am learning (with a little reluctance and resistance) to lower my expectations.

Mostly though I make it through each day because I have faith -- faith makes the biggest difference of all. I am able to stay hopeful and positive because of that faith. I wholeheartedly believe that the good Lord would not entrust me with these precious children if He didn't believe that I could be worthy of that trust. What I do with that trust is up to me, but knowing that He trusted me enough to put these precious souls into our imperfect hands - that gets me through.

It's more than His trust in me though - it's reciprocal. My faith and trust in Him gets me through. When all else fails - when I feel hopeless and helpless, I know there is someone watching over me. It is not His place to protect me from trials. Without trials, I could not stretch and grow. He, however, sustains me and makes my burdens lighter. He blesses me, even when I doubt Him - even when I am fearful of the unknown ahead. Even when everything around me looks like I am about to unquestionably fail, I can pray. I can trust in the promptings of His spirit, and honestly - I have NEVER once been mislead. Even when all the evidence in the world pointed me toward a horrific end, when those sweet peaceful promptings come (and thankfully they always have), I can rely on my past experiences (how I wish I could rely solely on faith) and TRUST.

This is a true fact that I have learned:

When facing any obstacle, you literally have only two choices:

1) Make it through

OR

2) Die.

Really, those are the only options. So since 99.999999% of the time you're going to make it through, the quality of how you do so is somewhat in your control. It's okay to take a short amount of time to mourn the loss of whatever change is taking place. But pick yourself up and move on. People do it every day, and they amaze me.

When I was 15, I attended an Outward Bound course. I had an instructor named Robyn, who gave me one of the best pieces of advice I have ever received. She said:

"You can make yourself miserable or you can make yourself strong. The amount of work is the same."

She was dead on absolutely right.

And, here's how else I get through -- my kids. My kids make me laugh. They make me cry joyous tears. They reaffirm everything about why I am doing what I am doing. Today, Adam (out of the blue) said the most amazing thing to me. My seven year old - my sweet, astute, wonderful little boy said this:

"Mom, you may not know everything, but for me you know everything I need."

Michele, and everyone else - that's how I do it. And that's why I do it.

And here's the dinner calendar - it's been done for awhile, but I haven't had time to post it. Enjoy, and as always, feel free to email me with any questions or for any recipes!