The Story of Max plus a little more...

December 1, 2009

9:00 am

I am officially 37 weeks today. Just barely considered full term. I am two days away from my scheduled induction date, and those two days loom before me as though they are two decades. And I am in pain. So much pain. I cannot walk without having searing, shooting pelvic pain because of the pressure of baby in my pelvis. I later learn that this has created caput succedaneum - a natural yarmulke of sorts that stems from the head putting pressure on the pelvis. I call my doctor ... and beg him to approve an induction TODAY.

9:30 am

I get a call from Labor and Delivery at the hospital I'm delivering at. "Can you be here at 11:30 for an induction?" What???!!! I'm crying joyous tears, my relief is so immense. I will be there.

10:30 am

I have showered. The car was packed a few days ago. I have called Michael and told him to meet me at the hospital. I am ready to go. I start to put shoes on. My toenail polish is chipped. I can't have this. I know I'm insane, but I purposely made sure my toes would be cute during labor because I'd be looking at them for quite some time that day. I tell my friend Rhea that we have to stop at the nail salon to get it fixed. She (like most people would) thinks I'm crazy, but I insist. It's not like I'm actually in labor yet.

11:30 am

We arrive at the hospital. By 12:30, Pitocin has been started. The epidural will be placed soon. I begin a delicious course of ice chips as meal replacement. We start making phone calls - in labor, etc. Will keep you updated, should go quickly (hahaha), will call when something happens. I think I made plans to nap at this point. We arrange with our friend Kristy to join us at the hospital to photograph Max's birth. "Don't worry," I tell her "my labors are usually fairly easy and fast."

1:00 pm

No progress.

2:00 pm

No progress.

3:00 pm

No progress. The kids come up for a brief visit, just to see that Mommy was okay. I am. They are too. They leave.

4:00 pm

No progress.

4:30 pm

Kristy arrives. We had expected to be starting to push around now. Doctor arrives to break the amniotic sac. According to my husband, I lost gallons of amniotic fluid. They relate the amount of fluid to a local mountain stream. No wonder I couldn't walk. Things should start to go faster now. Kristy left to get food. This was a good call on her part.

Fast forward to 8:30 pm. I have different nurses now (hooray for Lisa Ehlers, my new nurse). I'm dilated and effaced most or all of the way. Don't really remember. Lisa suggests we try a couple of "practice" pushes to see what happens. What happens? Not much. Lisa and I work on pushing and at some point, my doctor arrives. So, now I'm working on pushing as the urge presents itself, but everyone else is having a little party. I had suggested my doctor find some tunes on his iPhone. I think we listened to some Beatles. Everyone is laughing, joking around - very casual atmosphere. We're all playing "guess baby's weight." (For the record, we all waaaaaay underestimated). For some of the pushing, I don't even tell anyone I'm going to. I just count it out in my head as I'm pushing. Sadly, we're still not making much progress.



10:00 pm

I'm exhausted. I'm trembling from all of the pushing. I beg for vacuum extraction. I didn't know that vacuums are really hard on babies. I only knew that he wasn't descending the way I needed him to, and I was getting worn out. I didn't want to be worn out, but I almost didn't have the strength to lift my head to my chest while pushing. I didn't want to run out of energy, and giving up wasn't an option. My doctor explained it like this "If you try to put a shape through a child's shape sorter and you change the angle of the shape even slightly, it won't fit through its designated spot." I later learned that this was probably a result of the epidural coupled with a slower labor (due to Pitocin), which may have relaxed the uterine floor such that baby couldn't descend at the correct angle. The doctor starts extracting. The mood of the room becomes more somber. I'm pushing with every last ounce (just recalling it brings tears to my eyes) of energy. Everyone's cheering me on to pushpushpushpushpush. I hear the vacuum popping on and off of my baby's head, and all I can do is pour every ounce of energy into getting Max here. My epidural is almost completely worn off and I hurt.

In my mind, I'm recalling the story a friend told me about her first daughter's birth. Her baby was also not coming out the way she was supposed to. She poured every ounce of her being into that delivery, knowing that her success was critical and that her baby depended on her strength. She had progressed too far for a c-section, and everything was in a critical state. She told me that she used every bit of energy that she had, and then some because the stakes could not have been higher. I draw on her story for strength and inspiration. Who knew that this many years after (nine, I think), that it would be the inspiration I would need to get me through this moment.

I keep pushing. I am scared. I have entered an alternate state of reality. Everyone is nearby, but no one is in my reality, except for Michael. I need him to hold my hand, to keep me tethered to reality. But mostly, there is only me, and pushing, and prayer. And fear. And finally, finally, I hear that Max is emerging. And that he has a lot of blond hair. "10:35 pm," my doctor calls the time of birth. I don't think I even had the strength to weep. Somebody puts him on my belly and I kiss his fuzzy little head. He's having trouble breathing, and they take him away to clean him up and give him oxygen.



It's time to deliver the placenta. I thought the hard part was over. Bear in mind, I have no epidural on board any longer. The placenta is not coming out. The doctor begins manual extraction (GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION WARNING. Skip to the next paragraph if you do not wish to know how such an issue is resolved). My doctor's entire arm is in my uterus. He is scraping away at placenta. I feel the pressure of him pulling out whatever he can grasp. I hear blood splashing on the floor. I hear him order meds to help with the bleeding. My teeth are chattering, hard, from blood loss and exhaustion. I am freezing cold and they are out of warm blankets. My lower half is exposed to the cold air as the doctor works to remove the retained placenta. I am so cold. I am so out of it, yet in so much pain. The doctor grabs a banjo curette. This is a medical device used to remove retained placenta. I feel my uterus being scraped, and I hear more blood pouring on to the floor. Eventually, I have received so much medication that my teeth are chattering non-stop.

I am so so so so cold. I think of Kristy, and hope that this is not too traumatic for her, but don't have the strength to offer her any reassurance. Deep down I know that I will be okay, but I don't have the strength to communicate much to anyone. I ask for oxygen simply so that I can feel my warm breath on my face as I breathe in and out of the mask. I cover my head with blankets in a desperate effort to warm up. I hear my doctor tell my husband that the relentless teeth chattering is a side-effect of the clotting medication I've received. I'm hear him say that I've lost about a liter and a half of blood. Somewhere in this, I hear that my baby weighed eight pounds, eleven ounces. Now I know why else I was in so much pain. Someone brings him to me for a kiss before he is taken away to the NICU. My love for him is overwhelming.



I know that he is having difficulty breathing, but also take comfort in the Lord's prompting that he, like me, will weather through this. I hear my doctor ask me a question. My answer is unintelligible due to the chattering of my teeth. I hear him telling Michael that I will want to shower soon, but that I will be weak from blood loss and need to stay in bed as long as possible. I hear him tell me that I will spike a fever. I manage to communicate that I need pain medication. I finally get more blankets, and succumb to the sweetness of the pain medication, which make me drowsy enough to stop my teeth from chattering. I welcome the fever (103 degrees) because it makes my body, at long last, warm. I become aware that the doctor is leaving. I hear him giving instructions, and I drowsily relish not being freezing anymore.

12:30 am

I am being moved to postpartum. My baby is not with me. I am sad, but know that he is getting excellent care in the NICU. I'm torn between wanting Michael to be with him, and wanting Michael to be with me. Around 2:00 am, I am okay with Michael leaving me to go see our baby. Somewhere around 3:00, someone brings me a sandwich. This is the first food I have eaten in over 17 hours. This is the best sandwich I have ever eaten in my life. I inhale it so quickly that it makes me throw up.

3:30 am

I have been allowed to get up and clean myself up. I am full, relatively clean, and feeling better than I hadfelt for several hours. I am ready to sleep. I have been saying for a couple of months now that were I to get pregnant again, it would essentially have to be a direct commandment. This birth has been so horrible, so traumatic, that I can most assuredly say that I should never do this again. I have mixed feelings about this. I wish I were young enough to have another baby. While technically, I am physically capable of another pregnancy, I believe I am done anyway. It is time to move forward as a complete family, even if it is a bittersweet feeling.

5:00 am

I am awake. I haven't seen my baby. I ask to be wheeled to the NICU. I think he's a little misshapen and funny looking, but he amazes me. I love him more than I know how to express. He really does have a ton of hair. He is so swollen from the fluid created by the vacuum extractor. I feel strong though. He is so much healthier than Thomas was when he was born. His head feels like mushy jell-o because of the cellular fluid created by the vacuum. He has a large hematoma and I'm told his head hurts a lot. I feel guilty because I didn't know that the vacuum could do so much damage. He's examined by the neonatologist, I'm assured that things will be okay, but that he will spend some time in the NICU.

The rest of my time in the hospital is fairly blurry. I don't want visitors because he's in the NICU. The only visitors I allow are our friend and pediatrician, Tucker Davis (whom Maxwell Tucker bears the name of), my friend Miriam (NICU nurse practitioner extraordinaire at Primary Childrens' Hospital and an amazingly reassuring presence and dear friend), my sweet, nurturing friend Sarah (whose friendship and support is valued beyond measure), and our bishop (what a source of spiritual strength he is, and he also brings excellent treats).

I don't really call and tell many people that we are here because I want to limit the amount of exposure Max and other NICU babies might have to various winter illnesses. The kids can't see him because they are not old enough to enter the NICU, and I hurt for their loss. Frankie is able to sneak in once, but only for a very brief time. The days become an endless cycle of sleeping, pumping, feeding, trips to the NICU, back to my room. I still can't walk well. I had hoped to be out of pain after my delivery, but no such luck. It takes time to heal, and even as I write this, I have not fully regained my strength. I lost 30 pounds. That's certainly a plus.

The third day after delivering, I move to an unused labor room. I am allowed to stay at the hospital and be near my baby. This is such a tender mercy because it is painfully unnatural to leave the hospital without my baby. I know because I had to do so with Thomas, and it was one of the worst things I have ever endured.

Max has a beautiful little roommate in the hospital. Her name is Gwen. She is tiny and weighs in just over six pounds. Max looks gargantuan next to her. With all of his blond hair and his red, puffy, swollen face, I take to calling him Sven (because he looks like some sort of Nordic Ski instructor). I later realize that Gwen and Sven are rhyming roommates. Her mother, Jill, and I decide that this would be a cute wedding story (Gwen and Sven met in the NICU when they were brand new to the world). Jill hasn't been through this awful process before. I have, but that doesn't entirely ease the burden. We lean on each other for strength. We talk and compare notes and have cake together. I am so grateful for Jill. As of this writing, I'm hoping we can get our families together some time next week.

There are overwhelming moments of fear when despite every prompting I have felt, despite my faith, I foolishly doubt. There are moments when I weep with panic that every slight setback means my might baby might not make it. There are moments when I cling to Michael and shake with that doubt. And then there are many more moments - where overwhelming love for my baby, and faith in the Lord, and trust for the doctors and nurses overcome everything and I feel tremendous peace...and hope...and joy.

December 10, 2009

We finally get to bring Max home. We had hoped to bring him home the day earlier, but we were waiting to see if he would gain weight. We almost didn't get to bring him home on the 10th either, because he still hadn't turned that weight gain corner, but his neonatologist said that it was basically sixes to leave him or take him home. We we were so anxious to be done with the NICU.

Max came home on oxygen. Home oxygen is an amazing miracle and a minor inconvenience. I keep thinking back though to the pioneers, and how if Max had been born during that era, we likely both would have died. How even my sweet Thomas, with all of his medical needs after having been born early would have died or suffered some form of brain damage due to lack of proper oxygenation. I am so grateful for the medical technology we have today. Even now, Max still needs a tiny bit of oxygen. He has Persistent Pulmonary Hypertension, which basically means that the vessels in his lungs are not quite large enough to accommodate his need for oxygen. He is expected to outgrow this condition in a relatively short matter of time.

December 13, 2009

I have not been feeling well for several days. I attributed the shortness of breath to the constant temperature change of going in and out of the NICU. I attribute the exhaustion and intense night sweats to after effects of giving birth. I have chills and am achy - I assume this is from exhaustion, night sweats, and having given birth. I haven't had time to go to the doctor. I decide to see if I might possibly have a fever. I do. I finally go to Urgent Care. I have Pneumonia. I am given some powerful antibiotics and am sent home. I am again grateful for modern medicine.

December 20, 2009

I have been breathing better and have lost the urge to cough, but we've faced a big drama with Frankie. I am feeling worn down and run out, but assume it's because of the drama. I get home from seeing a friend who is also one of our experts who helps us determine Frankie's best course of treatment. I feel feverish, but again assume it's because I was overdue to pump. 102.2 degrees. I call a dear friend and neighbor who comes over at 10:00 at night to stay with our children while Michael takes me to the ER. I learn I have a kidney infection, and have probably had it since giving birth. We get home at six am, and Michael leaves for work. He is my hero.

December 26, 2009

We have just celebrated our first Christmas with all of the children that are likely to be born to us. We are sad that Frankie cannot be here to celebrate with us. She has been struggling with behaving appropriately for a couple of months now, and things have come to a head. We had to make the difficult decision to provide a drastic intervention. She has gone to Wilderness Camp. She must learn to be willing to move her life in a positive direction. She must learn that even though she was a victim of her bio mom's life and lifestyle, she hasn't been a part of that world for a long time and that she must now move forward. She must give up being a victim and start living in today. If she cannot, she probably cannot live here. She is incredibly disrespectful to me. She is obnoxious to and disproportionately impatient with her brothers. We walk on eggshells so that she won't explode, and she does anyway. She exploded a week ago Thursday, and it was frightening for all of us. We had to take drastic measures, and we have. We are sad, but hopeful.

We still had a wonderful Christmas. Santa was very good to all of us. I marvel at the blessings in our lives. We are together. We have a warm and cozy home. Money is not plentiful, but it is plentiful enough. Michael has a good job. We have access to programs that can help our daughter. We are relatively healthy. We live in a country where we have the freedom to worship the Lord as we see fit. We have dear and kind friends and neighbors who have brought meals to us. We have dear and kind friends and neighbors who helped us make our annual Christmas Eve tradition possible this year. We have dear and kind friends and neighbors who have removed the snow from our driveway and walkways. My father is here visiting, which brings joy to me that is beyond measure. I dropped him off at the phone store today, and when I came in to find him, the sales clerk asked me if she could help me find anything. It was thrilling to reply that I was looking for my father.

As we embark on this new year, my goal is to organize my life better. I want better scheduling, more thorough planning, and the insight to know when to let things go. I smile every time I look at the Christmas lights on our home because we only managed to complete a small area of lights over our garage. Our lights look to be about one fourth complete, because they are only one fourth complete. I smile because this is one way I can learn to let go and focus on what truly matters. We did our best.

I am excited to start Weight Watchers and see it through to the end. I am so excited for our church meeting time to change to 1:00 pm because we will be able to have more leisurely Sundays. I am excited to begin this next phase of our lives. Although I cannot say with 1000 percent surety that we will never have another child, I can say that I am 1000 percent sure that my family feels as complete as it's going to get in this lifetime.

We are so grateful for you, our friends and family. We wish you every blessing you may stand in need of. We hope your 2010 starts out beautifully. We again extend a heartfelt invitation to each of you who are far from us to visit us. We still have an enormous guest room, and we are not afraid to offer it for your use. We love you and thank the Lord for your presence in our lives.

Until next time (when hopefully you'll be visiting us)...

Introducing Maxwell Tucker...

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

December Dinner Calendar

Thought I'd hurry up and post this before baby is born. Enjoy and call or email me with any questions. Next post WILL be baby. 'Nuff said ;-)

How you feeling? Hot! Hot! Hot!

Warning: This post contains personal details about bodily functions. If you don't want to know these things about me, stop reading now.

When I first became pregnant with Adam, I was amazed that anyone ever complained about any aspect of pregnancy. I mean, I was growing LIFE. I was consumed by this incredibly sacred knowledge, glowing with the joy of it all. I loved the purchasing of tiny baby socks and researching every baby product under the sun. Sure there was nausea (eventually), but that was just a good sign of a healthy growing fetus. Nothing (and I mean absolutely nothing) could overshadow the joys of fulfilling my purpose on earth (which, to tell you the truth I do still think is pretty amazing). I loved being pregnant. It was new and sacred and I had nothing else that was nearly as important in my life. I even found giving birth to be somewhat of a breeze compared to what I had expected. In fact, with Adam, I went in to be induced and was told that I was already in labor. I was surprised to find this out - I didn't even know I was contracting! I looked forward to my next pregnancy.

Recently, I commented to my doctor that being pregnant at 37 was a lot harder than being pregnant at 30. He told me that it had nothing to do with age - it was that subsequent pregnancies become more difficult as you go. It makes me wonder how on earth that Duggar woman can handle pregnancy. If you don't know who she is, she's the woman who has 18 kids and is pregnant with her 19th. If you want to learn more about her, their website is here:

http://www.duggarfamily.com/

So, since I'm awake anyway, I thought I would share a few very personal details. I do this in the hope that should I get baby hungry again for ANY reason, I will read and reflect upon the following and remember, with fondness, why I never wish to do this again. The children are beyond worth it, but two babies in 15 months time is quite enough, thank you!

Things I will NOT miss about being pregnant (in no particular order):

1. Night sweats. Nothing like waking up drenched in sweat in the middle of the night. Can you guess what woke me tonight?
2. Waking up with cotton mouth (thanks, night sweats)
3. Leg cramps. Waking up and dragging my cramping legs to the bathtub every two to three nights.
4. Sore legs for two or more days from said leg cramps.
5. Heartburn. Don't eat two hours before bed, yet somehow eat several mini meals throughout the day. Don't drink with your meal. Don't eat anything with onions, garlic, spice, seasoning, flavor, texture, or salt.
6. Nausea (Yes, I'm a lucky one who gets to be nauseous first AND third trimesters)
7. Constipation (When I say this one, I always seem to say it to the tune of Carly Simon's Anticipation) It's constipation whoa oh, oh - it's consti-pay-ay-shun and it's making me mad...)
8. The lack of the ability to walk more than 1 block at a time
9. Aching hips from sleeping on my side
10. Throwing up EVERY time I brush my teeth
11. Pregnancy incontinence (can't sneeze, cough, throw up, or laugh too hard)
12. Being 10 degrees hotter than everyone else and having my friends feel the need to dress as though they are headed for an arctic expedition just to come hang out with us.
13. Maternity pants - the way they slide down my body, creating that baggy gangsta look.
14. Having to climb into my SUV, rather than just hop in.
15. Rushing to the bathroom with great urgency, only to find I only had a teaspoon of liquid to expel. (aka, Max thinks my bladder is his personal trampoline, and to be fair I guess it's not like there's really that much to do in there).
16. Using the bathroom 15 times each day.
17. Seeing my doctor on a weekly basis. I mean, I like the guy, but I have better things to do than sit around his office for two hours while I wait for a five minute appointment.
18. Body smells. Why on earth do my armpits smell ten times worse when I'm pregnant? I seem to make smells when I'm pregnant that I didn't even know were possible for the human body to make. Where is that cat pee smell coming from??? Oh wait, that's not cat pee - that's me.
19. Being unable to gracefully stand up without assistance
20. Sleeping on the couch for back support. I miss being next to my husband each night.
21. Grasping for words and saying the wrong word even though I know perfectly well what I meant. (Shut the gate -- I mean door.)
22. Hormonal emotionality. 'Nuff said.

I'm willing to bet there are more, but 22 is good for tonight. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

Things I will miss about being pregnant:

1. The sacred and powerful knowledge that our Father in Heaven trusted us enough to allow us to bring one of His children to our home.
2. Baby kicks from the inside
3. The wondrous anticipation of dreaming blue or pink

That's it - only three. They are a pretty amazing three though, I must admit.

And so, to answer the question: Are you done?

As far as Michael and I are concerned, we're done. However, I don't want to do anything drastic because life is unpredictable. I would hate to do something I couldn't undo only to discover that I made a mistake. That being said, I am 37 (nearly 38) and am uninterested in having three babies under three in just over three years. I am also completely uninterested in raising teenagers in my retirement years. So unless I receive a very strong personal witness that there is another spirit waiting to join our family, I am totally good with being done. I will always be sad that I didn't get a baby girl to raise, but I will be equally grateful to never have another adolescent girl to raise. That being said, I trust my Father in Heaven with my whole heart and soul, and know that He knows what is best for our family. As for baby Sara Flora (our girl name, named after my maternal grandmother and incredible great aunt), perhaps I will be able to have her in the eternities. No matter what though, I am so grateful for the beautiful children I have, and look forward to the birth of Max Tucker Hooten, some time in the next two and a half weeks.

And so, until next time (which hopefully will be to announce the joyous news of Max's birth)...

Halloween Smilebox

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

What's for dinner ... and a few other things.

October has been such a busy month - I'm glad to be transitioning to November. At this posting, I'm five weeks away from delivery (I get to be induced a little early). It's hard to believe this is happening so quickly! It's been a very slow pregnancy with a very fast last trimester. Tons of heartburn -- so if the old wives' tales are true, we'll have another baby with a full head of hair. The house is a wreck, and I feel incredibly urgent about cleaning and organizing, yet so very worn out at the same time!

Frankie's been having a rough go of things, but that's life with her - ebbs and flows. I just don't understand how teenagers can make such utterly stupid decisions! It's like they hit puberty and their ability to be reasonable exits the building. Hopefully the nearness of Christmas will help her be a little more on the nice side and less on the playing with fire side.

Adam is our sweetheart - he just has the gentlest, kindest personality. Yesterday, totally out of the blue he turned to Frankie and said "Sis, I just want you to know that I would die for you if it would save your life." Where does he come up with this stuff? He constantly amazes me. Today, he was referring to a tv show he likes - Phineas and Ferb. He was asking me if the secret agent character on it (Perry the Platypus) has a good heart. I said "I guess so." He responded with "Well, he must have a good heart because he loves his nemesis. I mean, how many nemesises (sic) love their nemesis?" He loves the Mr. Men shows, and he's returned to loving Scooby Doo. He sings the "What's new Scooby Doo" theme song far more often than I care to hear it, but I'm very grateful he's not into violent cartoons. I will take what I can get!

Thomas is our busy boy - into everything! He's so playful and curious. He walks several steps (with assistance) but seems pretty content to crawl most of the time. I can't blame him - he's a very fast crawler, and he has places to explore! He calls Michael "dee dee" and me "mamamamama" and Adam "Adee." He doesn't really have a name for Frankie yet, but he lights up every time he sees her. He can nod his head in the affirmative and understands "no no and night night." He's actually understood "no no" for quite awhile now but has never really liked hearing it.

And baby boy Max is quite a kicker. Not that there's much else to do in there, but so far I'm predicting another Thomas. I have to admit, I'm still a little sad that I'll never have a baby girl, but I'm extraordinarily grateful that I'll never have another teenage girl!

That's about it for now, except for the what's for dinner part. So, I leave you with our November dinner calendar. I didn't include our Thanksgiving menu, but for what it's worth, I tend to prefer fairly traditional Thanksgiving foods.

Here's the Thanksgiving menu:

Sausage stuffed mushrooms
Relish tray
Roast Turkey (seasoned only with butter) with turkey gravy
Mashed potatoes
Traditional bread stuffing with Craisins
Cranberry Sauce
Sweet Potato Puree with pecan crumble and/or marshmallow brulee
Brussel sprouts with bacon & caramelized onion
Glazed carrots
Yeast rolls with orange honey butter
Pumpkin pie
Pecan pie

I hate that green bean glop, so that stuff doesn't make it to our table. I do however, prefer that jelled canned cranberry stuff. Go figure. My father thinks that Thanksgiving is not complete without Lasagna, but I prefer Lasagna at Christmas.

As for the rest of the month, here you go. Feel free as always to email me for recipes.



Until next time...

I like bananas because they have no bones...

Me: Adam, do you want half of my banana?
Adam: Nope.
Me: Do you want 1/4 of my banana?
Adam: Uh-uh (negative).
Me: Do you want 1/3 of my banana?
Adam: No.
Me: What if I want you to want part of my banana?
Adam: Its good to want things.

October Dinner Calendar

October is my very favorite month of the entire year - the air becomes crisp, it's apple picking season, and it houses my favorite holiday of all - Halloween! I love Halloween the most because it is the most amount of fun for the least amount of effort. I love the excited feeling in the air as children prepare to trick or treat. I love watching the leaves on the mountains change colors. I love watching Fall enter in earnest.

My dear sweet friend, Paula, came over and taught me a great deal about sewing, and together we made both Frankie and Adam's costumes. Frankie has an amazing witch's costume, and Adam wanted to be a character from one of his favorite computer games - Bookworm Adventures. Here's a look at the original worm:

We modified an animal costume for the body, bought a pair of gold rimmed glasses, and a red bow tie. The resulting costume is fantastic, and would be very easy to convert to a frog next year, but I don't think Adam is having any of that. Thomas will be a monkey, because absolutely nothing fits his personality better. We'll have a motley crew of trick-or-treaters, but that's just one of the things that makes Halloween so fun.

For my neighbors, I always have hot apple cider for grown ups because it's usually fairly blustery out. For the kids, we get a great assortment of both candy and Halloween type toys, because not every kid can have candy. We also have Safe-t-pops for the smallest trick-or-treaters.

Oh, the dinner calender? Right - ok, here it is:


So, enjoy -- and feel free to email or ask for recipes. I'm always happy to provide them. That's about it for now. Until next time... (when our newest addition will be - gulp - almost here).

P.S. If anybody wants to come stay with us for a couple of weeks and help out after Max is born, we are totally open and have an enormous guest room! Any takers?

The return of dinner...

Well, the return of the dinner calendar anyway. It's not like we haven't eaten dinner all summer but I haven't been as diligent with my calendars. Summer is such a great time to be flexible, and with the combo of hot out and pregnant, my willingness to eat has been fairly unpredictable.

Now that the weather is (slowly) starting to cool down, I am once again making dinner plans. Now for the hard part -- sticking to them.

Here for your perusal is our September dinner calendar. Enjoy!

Here comes the .... groom?

So, it may seem like most of our posts are about Adam, but there's a reason for that - he's very funny. Thomas doesn't really have much to say these days beyond "hi, dada, and mama," and the things that Frankie says are typical of a teenage girl and well, I don't necessarily want to repeat those things ;-)! Adam's just at a magical age where the things that pop out of his mouth are very amusing. Even so, Adam recently shared with me that he can't wait to grow up.

"Mom," he said, "I can't wait to be 21." Gulp, I thought. Does my baby already want to know what it's like to drink? It couldn't be. "Why, Adam?" I asked with some trepidation. "Ummmmm," he hesitated with an embarrassed sound in his voice (adding to my concern). "Just tell Mommy. Why can you not wait to be 21?" (Please don't let him want to drink, please don't let him want to drink). "Ummmmmm..." he hesitated again. "Adam, just tell mommy." In sotto voce he said "So I can get married."

Who knew that my seven year old wanting to get MARRIED would be a relieving thought!!!

Back to School

Frankie is so excited to be back in school - really, no joke! She loves being there with her friends, her teachers, and her principal. She thrives being on schedule and knowing what to expect. I'd say weekends are actually harder for her than weekdays for the most part. She's also enjoying being back in dance. She's added Modern to her schedule, so she's dancing four hours each week. She really enjoys Modern because it's a little more free than regimented Pointe class.

Adam and I are enjoying homeschooling. I love watching him learn. He grasps concepts very quickly and I am often amazed by the things that come out of his mouth!

Last night, I had a dream about Frankie. I was telling her that in my dream (well, nightmare actually), she had put several strange piercings all over her face. I responded to the new undesirable decorations by telling her that they were coming out and that either I was going to remove the piercings, or she was. She told me to go ahead, and I did. Adam was in the car at the time, and piped up with "Did she really let you do that?" I said "Yes, in the dream she did." He responded with "Wow, that's so out of character."

I think he's the little character!

Thomas is enjoying life, as every busy one year old should. He claps, flirts, waves hello and says "hi." We know he understands the meaning of it because he only does it when he waves and we say hello or hi to him. He's very young to have learned a concept like this, but he doesn't seem to care that he's too young and learned it anyway.

Michael and I are looking forward to a four day weekend. We plan on spending the majority of our time getting cleaned up and organized. Although I can't say I'm looking forward to the labor, I am looking forward to the result!

That's all of the early September news. (After all, it's only the 1st day). Hope all is well with each of you.

Until next time...

Out of the mouth of Adam...

"I'd like to get a pet octopus. Except maybe I wouldn't because then I would want to eat the octopus because octopus tastes delicious!"

-Adam, age 7
Octopus Aficionado (this is what he eats when we go out for sushi)

Adam's BFF, Conner, made an elaborate train track on the stairs leading to the playroom at his house. He invited Adam to go see it. Adam apparently studied Conner's creation for a while, then decided to add his own touches. "Conner," he shouted up the stairs "come look at the modifications I've made to the train track."

-Adam, age 7
Train Track Architect

"Mommy, it was fun to have you gone but I'm REALLY glad you're home now."
-Adam, at bedtime tonight after Mommy got home from a long trip to the grocery store.

Thomas' 1st birthday

Make a Smilebox slideshow

I've got another puzzle for you...

How do two adults, one teenager, one child, and one baby create TWENTY loads of laundry in a two week period?

The above pretty much summarizes our lives right now.

Let me know when you find the answer! More importantly, let me know if you have a solution. The only solution I have right now is made of soap and water.

I cannot go to school today said little Peggy Ann McKay...

So Adam is sick with some sort of stomach bug. Anything that goes down keeps coming up. He's been trying hard to eat some chicken broth, but that's not working out too well. He's getting frustrated with his lost eating abilities and expressed his frustration with the following comment. "It's like, I can't even eat chicken broth. What gives?"

Interview with Adam, revisited

Mom and Dad
as described by Adam Hooten, age 7

1 What is something Mommy always says?
"I love you.”
2. What makes Mommy happy?
“Me.”
3. What makes Mommy sad?
“When I’m mean.”
4. How does your Mom make you laugh?
“By telling me silly jokes.”
5. What was your Mom like as a child?
“You were like me”
6. How old is your Mom?
“37.”
7. How tall is your Mom?
“So tall.”
8. What is your Mom's favorite thing to do?
“Spend time with me.”
9. What does Mom do when you’re not around?
“Have fun and try to be happy.”
10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
“Money.”
11. What is your Mom really good at?
“Loving me.”
12. What is your Mom not good at?
“Not loving me.”
13. What does Mom do for her job?
“Stay home and work by watching Thomas, playing with me, going to the bathroom, and making me happy.”
14. What is Mom's favorite food?
“Noodles.”
15. What makes you proud of your Mom?
“Being my mommy and loving me.”
16. If your Mom were a cartoon character who would she be?
“I have no idea. Oh, I know who you would be - the Mario in Super Mario Brothers Super Show and Super Mario Two. Big belly and he’s pretty much a talker, like you.”
17. What do you and your Mom do together?
“Play and have fun and tell jokes.”
18. How are you and your Mom the same?
“Being people.”
19. How are you and your Mom different?
“You’re a grown-up and I’m a kid.”
20. How do you know your Mom loves you?
“She tells me.”
----------------------------------------------------
1.What is something Daddy always says?
“Dad (whispering) what’s something you say? He says maybe later..”
2. What makes Daddy happy?
“Me, right Dad?.”
3. What makes Daddy sad?
“The same thing as you.”
4. How does your Dad make you laugh?
“What do you do to make me laugh, Daddy? Sometimes he tells me jokes.”
5. What was your Dad like as a child?
“Dad, what were you like as a child? A lot like me.”
6. How old is your Dad?
“40 years old”
7. How tall is your Dad?
“Verrry tall.”
8. What is your Dad's favorite thing to do?
“He likes to play ... well, no, let’s see... he likes to spend time with me.”
9. What does Dad do when you’re not around?
“Work.”
10. If your Dad becomes famous, what will it be for?
“Money.”
11. What is your Dad really good at?
“Carnival Games Mini-golf..”
12. What is your Dad not good at?
“Running”
13. What does Dad do for his job?
“I have no idea”
14. What is Dad's favorite food?
“I don’t have any idea.”
15. What makes you proud of your Dad?
“Going to work without being very, very, very, very, very, very, very (a lot more verys) sad.”
16. If your Dad were a cartoon character who would he be?
“Luigi that’s in Super Mario Bros Super Show and The Adventures of Super Mario Bros 3 ‘cause he’s bigger than Mario and you’re shorter than him..”
17. What do you and your Dad do together?
“Sometimes we play Carnival Games Mini-golf. We just started to play multi-player today. It’s actually pretty good. I’m almost the twin of the [carnival] barker.”
18. How are you and your Dad the same?
“We’re people.”
19. How are you and your Dad different?
“He’s a grown-up; I’m a kid.”
20. How do you know your Dad loves you?
“He tells me.”

My Little Consumer...

Ah, the power of commercials. Adam definitely hears them LOUD and clear...

"Mom..."
"Yes, Adam?"
"I'm thinkin' Arby's."

-------

Me: "Sprint PCS.com is so slow!"
Adam: "Why don't you get Hughesnet?"

-----
And finally...

We went to Wal-Mart the other day so that Adam could spend some of the birthday money that he'd been saving. He decided to get a new game, Wii Carnival Games Mini Golf. He'd wanted that game for some time. As we were preparing to check out, he said "Mom, could I get a cell phone?" With a twinkle in my eye, I said "You could - you have enough money, but you don't need a cell phone." He responded with "Well, then when I want to call my friends to play you wouldn't have to call them like if you were busy. I could call them and ask if they wanna play." I said "Well, I think you have really wanted Carnival Games Mini Golf for awhile. You should stick with that." Adam said "Well, if I do get a cell phone, I would have to get AT&T because it's the nation's fastest 3G network."

A few days later...

"Adam, what is a 3G network?"
"I don't know."

On an unrelated note, our kids have been having a tough time with our dog, Scooter. He's only ten months old and he can be a little rambunctious at times. Michael and I sat down with the kids and explained that they needed to be nicer to the dog or else we would have to find him a new home. To demonstrate their tone and affect when they were speaking with the dog, I gave each of them a personalized sample of how they had been yelling at him. I warned them first that I was going to do this, so they wouldn't actually think I was upset with them. I "yelled" at Frankie first, and even though she knew it wasn't real, she was obviously taken aback. Then I turned to Adam. "Adam," I said in a very angry voice, "You pick up these toys right now!!!" Adam started to cry. I asked him if he was crying because he had been mean to the dog or because I had yelled at him. "Well," he said, sniffling, "let's just say a little of both."

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not onto thy own understaning...

One can't always tell the gender of a baby as early as fifteen weeks, but clear as day, our fourth (and in my opinion, final) baby is unquestionably ... a boy.

We plan on naming him Max Tucker Hooten. I guess the good Lord only wants us to go through teenage girlhood once. Granted, our one teenage girl is equivalent to at least two or three, but I really wanted the pretty little bows and frilly dresses part. Well, He knows better than we do what we are equipped to handle. C'est la vie. I already told Frankie that as my only girl, I apologize to her in advance for how I'm going to behave when it's time to plan her wedding. She responded by telling me that she wants me to cater it. Never gonna happen, my friend.

Sonogram pictures will be posted soon, but for now I wanted to at least share the news. And now, I'm heading to bed to dream blue dreams.

Until next time...

'Aint it great to be crazy?!?

What a hectic time of year this is! This Saturday (June 6th), Michael will turn the big 4-0! Hard to believe I'm married to someone who is that old. I mean, I'm 37 but I'm still in my 30's, right?

We're going to our friend Jenna's wedding on June 12th. Adam will turn 7 on June 13th, and the following day is Father's Day. What an insane time of year!

I'm still putting my June dinner calendar together. Wish me luck in getting it finished.

Lastly, although Adam is usually fairly bright and well put together, I thought I'd share the following recent conversation:

"Mommy, isn't it CRAZY that the 4th of July happens on the fourth day of July???"
-Adam

Crazy, huh?

Italian, like me!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

It's beginning to look a lot like spring time...

...and then again, sometimes it isn't.

We've had mostly dreary days with drizzly rain, some hail, and teasing blue skies with brisk breezes. We've also had enough of this icky weather. We're ready for spring.

The 411:

Michael - loves his new job at Northrop Grumman. He's finally working with people who have a very similar skill set and experience. He fits in beautifully, possibly for the first time in his career. He's been plainly told that his supervisor is looking to retire, and that he was hired specifically to be trained to take over in his supervisor's stead. It feels really good to both Michael and me that his abilities are being fully utilized.

Frankie - she's had a tough couple of weeks, but she's a fighter. She has such a good heart, and truly wants to do what is right. She struggles with her past and her teenage hormones, and is working with our amazing therapists to learn how to feel safe and move forward. Her dance performance is coming up, and family and friends have the opportunity to put a personal message in the program. It's the only fundraiser the studio does, and they desperately need the funds. I may hit some of you up for donations soon, but it's for a really worthwhile cause.

Adam - loves home schooling (and I love having him home). He's such a bright kid. We're still working out a few kinks with scheduling but we're getting there. Every home schooling mom I've talked to says it's a process that we have to learn and grow with. I wholeheartedly agree. He's playing soccer again and really trying hard this year. Now he runs with the group (instead of in little circles at the opposite end of wherever the ball is), and we're teaching him to become more aggresive about going after the ball instead of waiting for it to come near him. He hasn't scored his first goal yet (which is big for him because he'll get a reward), but that doesn't matter to us. What matters to us is that he's learning the value of team work and hard work.

Speaking of hard, Thomas has two lower teeth, and two descending upper teeth. And he likes to use them...to bite...HARD. I swear he's trying to rip a chunk out of my arm. I don't know why I keep letting him do it. It's kind of one of those, oh cute, Thomas wants to gnaw on Mommy, how swee... OUCH! He's a happy, curious, giggly baby who gets excited whenever his big sister enters the room. I think Frankie and Daddy might be his favorite people in the world. Mommy is chopped liver because he sees Mommy all the time. Adam is fun, but he's around a lot too. He's still more interesting than boring ol' mommy.

Me - I'm going nuts. That's all. This is just one of those times in my life where there aren't enough hours in the day, even though there are more hours of daylight. I'm trying to teach my kids to be respectful of each other, not tattle (not tolerable in my house), not to be bossy, as well as the importance of working together, gratitude, and kindness. PLUS, I'm running them around to their activities and hoping to eventually get my house clean and my laundry done. As hard as it all is, as tiring and frustrating as it can be, it's truly the best time of my life. Molding these little children (background noise: my son whining to my husband about how he and Frankie disagree on how to play with the baby's toys) is the most important work I will ever do. I feel so blessed to be their mom. I'm stressed - worried about the pregnancy, trying to balance our budget (as we rebound from the layoff), trying to increase the spirituality and healthiness of our daily lives, and broken record redirecting some icky behavior my children are trying to develop (see above), but I am at peace. I feel greatful every day to be in this stage of my life. The love I have for my family brings tears to my eyes (well, that and the hormones of pregnancy).

As you can see by our insane May calendar, if we don't call you, don't take it personally. We're just ridiculously busy.

I skipped the April dinner calendar because it was a crazy month, but here is the May calendar for your perusal. I can honestly tell you that we save a lot of money by planning ahead. It's remarkable how much planning helps!

No news on the pregnancy yet. We have to wait until Friday (at which point I'll be 7 weeks, 3 days) to (hopefully) find out if our little egg has become a little embryo. We'll keep you posted. We have great hope that all is well, but if it turns out not to be so, we trust the Lord that what He means to have happen will be what happens. I feel peaceful about this pregnancy, whether for better or worse.

So, for your viewing pleasure, here is our May calendar. I'm off to Costco to spend a small fortune. I forgot to put our defrosted chicken away this morning, and since I don't believe in room temperature meat, I think we'll have to plan B it tonight for dinner. Del Taco for Cinco De Mayo? Si, esta bien. Well, not bien, but inexpensive and quick (which is bien).


By the way, thank you for your comments on my last posting. It means a lot to know that the time I spend writing isn't solely for my own sanity and amusement.

Until next time...

Adamisms...

And now a few words from my little smarty pants drama king...

*"I had so many hopes and now they're all gone. Just gone!"
-on having to leave the house for a little while when he didn't want to.

*"We should get a pet snake, because, y'know, well ... think about it - they're so cute."
-yesterday, on something that is NEVER going to happen in this house.

*Adam: "Where do you get snake food?"
Mommy: "Snakes eat live mice. Isn't that gross? Would you really feed a snake a cute little mouse that's still alive?"
Adam: "Well, we'll only feed him the ones that aren't cute. The cute ones will have to get their own house."
Mommy: "Never gonna happen, my friend."
Adam: (distressed) "Not even when I'm grown up?"
Mommy: "When you are grown up and have your own house you can get a pet snake, but you have to keep it where I can never see it."
Adam: "Okay, I'll keep it in the garage and put a sign up that says WARNING DO NOT COME IN HERE MOMMY."

P.S. Bella (who Adam would do ANYTHING for, including giving her six gumballs out of his twelve pack) came over yesterday. With great hope in my heart, I said "Bella, would you ever get a pet snake?" Bella's a feminine girl, soI truly hoped and basically expected she would say no. "Sure," she said, "because I love animals."

*My friend, Cara, has this little refrigerator set that allows kids to spell three-letter words. Then, when you press a button the magnet will "say" the word out loud. Recently, Adam spelled the word 'foe.' "Adam," said Cara, "do you know what a foe is?" "Yes," he said, "it's like a nemesis."

*Lastly, just to see who is reading this - baby Hooten is due December 22nd. Still in a state of shock. We did want one more, just not quite this soon. Yes, I do know how it happens, but that doesn't mean I thought it actually would. I'm not supposed to be able to do this without medical intervention. Leave me a comment and let me know you're reading this!

Until next time...

Spring Has Sprung?

Well, it must have sprung elsewhere, because we're expecting yet another big snow storm tonight. Good thing I always have my Easter Egg hunt inside! I realize it's a week until Easter, but I don't want a wet muddy egg hunt!

So in other news, we got a dog.

Meet Scooter:
Scooter is a Miniature Schnauzer. We found him via in an online classified ad. The funny thing is that when we went to meet him (at a home about a half hour from ours), he turned out to belong to our neighbor's twin brother. How bizarre is that? The story is that his wife just needed to not be responsible for a dog (especially since she has five kids to raise and wasn't the one who wanted a dog in the first place - who can blame her?). They are the cutest family, and we were very happy to take Scooter home. He's a great dog - very bright, playful, affectionate. He minds well, and has a couple of minor puppy habits to learn his way out of, but we feel very fortunate to have him. He's not clipped to look like a Schnauzer, and I'm glad. I think he's perfect as is. The top of his head comes to my knee.

In other news, we have (sorry MK) decided to pull Adam out of school and start homeschooling him. He's a whole grade level above his class in Language Arts, and the transition he's dealt with from going from "only kid sort of" to one of three has been tough for him. I never thought I would end up homeschooling any of my kids (ever). Now that I've started planning his curriculum though, I'm so excited! I feel like a kid in a candy store - there's so much I can't wait to teach him about! Ideas keep popping into my head and I find myself just so thrilled at the idea of customizing his lesson plans.

For the remainder of this school year, we have a schedule that includes Math (units of measurement, currency, telling time, early multiplication, and beginning fractions), Language Arts (Second grade comprehension, manuscript handwriting, Spelling, Vocabulary, Types of words - nouns, adverbs, etc., Story writing, and poetry), Creative Arts, Science, and Social Studies (map your community, meet community helpers, and learn about Utah, New York, and Texas).

I'm setting up a home classroom, and we'll meet with other homeschooling families 1-2 days per week for social activities and field trips. He'll still have play dates with the friends he made in kindergarten and first grade, as well as peer interaction at church on Sundays and during other church activities. Also, his best friend's mom is homeschooling her children now, so we'll be able to work together quite a bit.

For second grade, I enrolled him in an online virtual academy (it's free) that will provide all of my second grade curriculum, as well as free access to Rosetta Stone Spanish. The home program includes work books, online programs and learning games, as well as a teacher who I will report to weekly. She'll be available to offer guidance, as well as serve as a sounding board for any ideas and/or bumps that come up.

It's funny how one's perspective can change. I truly never (did I mention ever?) thought I would be one of those homeschooling moms. I thought they were brave (and in some cases possibly foolish) to take on so much time with their kids. I get it now though. I so value my time with my son and these incredible opportunities to nurture him. I can't wait to get started.

Snow, Scooter, School - If only Spring would arrive, my "S" collection would be complete!

Until next time...

Thomas @ 6 months

Make a Smilebox photobook

Return of the Mummy...

So, tonight's family home evening lesson was about the importance of faith (why is it important, how do we grow it). We were in the middle of the lesson, getting ready to watch the story of St. Patrick (a man of great faith), and I asked the children how we can increase our faith.

Ideas that were thrown out there were pretty standard - reading scriptures, saying prayers, attending church, holding Family Home Evening. Then Adam piped up with "We can grow our faith by watching movies." "Yes," I replied, "we can increase our faith by watching movies about Jesus Christ." "Like the one with the mummy?" he asked. "Umm," I said, not sure whether he was talking about Scooby Doo vs. the Mummy or something else. "Y'know," he said "Like the one who gets on all these bandages and waits for Jesus." "Ohhhh, I said - do you mean Lazarus?"

Thankfully, he did.

Speaking of faith, please feel free to read the post below this one. I know it's lengthy but it's not often I expound on my own faith, and it felt really good to do so.

It's the most wonderful time of the year!!!!

Really. I know the song is assigned to Christmas, but...

I so love this time of year. I truly prefer it over Christmas. Not to diminish the celebration of the birth of our Savior - that was it's own amazing miracle. But Easter - to me, this is the most sacred and holy day of all. I know it's still a month away, but I get so excited for this holiday.

But that's not the only reason that it's the most wonderful time of the year. First, the weather starts to change. Autumn is my very favorite season because it's so cozy, but spring is so verdant. It's like hope is renewed when crocuses show their purple petals. I know it won't be long before my Forsythia starts to bud and bring its sunshiny yellow flowers into view. Daffodils (one of my favorite flowers) start to appear in the grocery store. The cold starts to dissipate, and even though the warm days tease us by showing up and then running away, the renewal of the earth begins.

Second, General Conference comes around again. For my friends and family who aren't members of our church, we have two sessions of General Conference each year. This is an opportunity for every member of our church WORLDWIDE to come together either in person or via various media sources, and hear our church leaders address various topics. These topics run the gamut from raising children to the importance of trials to modern day concerns. The love that our leaders have for us is so evident, and the counsel given is always timely - whether it's time-sensitive or timeless!

I love conference. Before we had children, we used to grab a few friends and bring a picnic down to the lawn on Temple Square and listen to Saturday morning session. In between sessions (there are two on Saturday and two on Sunday plus one for men on Saturday night), there was always great FREE entertainment at Deseret Book (still is). We'd go back to the lawn for the afternoon session. It is an amazing thing for me to see so many people who feel the way I do about the Lord convened in one place. They're from every area of the world, and all are grateful to have the opportunity to attend conference. After the afternoon session, we'd have dinner and the men would go off to the priesthood overflow sessions. The women would go to Ladies' night at Deseret Book for more free entertainment and drawings to win great merchandise. I never won, but winning something would have only been the decoration on the frosting of the cake. The cake alone was well worth the time and travel.

Now that we have one bored by everything teenager, one attention span challenged (no different than any other six year old boy) boy, and one getting ready to crawl baby, we've changed our tradition. Truthfully, we changed the tradition after Adam turned one because he was just too rambunctious to have at Ladies' Night.

Saturday is fun because we TiVo conference during chore time. We keep it on and listen while we work, and then we get to watch it again more closely later that night or later that week. Sometimes we even listen to it in the car. This is one of the times that we feel VERY blessed to live in a place with this many church resources.

Sunday, we have a breakfast tradition (eggs, sausage, home fries, and either orange rolls or Cinnabon rolls depending on the season) and we watch conference in our pajamas. It's so relaxing, and such a great opportunity to be able to pause and discuss topics with our children. It's a rare time to be able to give our children detailed counsel and guidance on important life topics as those topics are being addressed by our church leaders.

Third, it becomes time to get ready for Easter. I know St. Patrick's day is in there too, but I'm not Irish and I don't drink. So, we have our corned beef and cabbage, watch the story of faithful Maewen Succat (St. Patrick), and call it good.

A few years ago (shortly after Easter), I bought a book at Deseret Book -

A Christ-Centered Easter: Day-by-Day Activities to Celebrate Easter Week


and promptly lost it. I found it again last year, only to discover that it was too late to start the whole week's worth of activities. Not this year though --- I know where it is, I'm starting to review it, and I'm so excited to teach our children all about WHY this is the most important time of year. Not that we haven't gone over the story before, but a) two out of three are old enough to understand it and b) this book brings the lessons forth in a more kid friendly manner.

Easter signifies so many important things - hope, faith, renewal, God's promises to us, love, devotion, protection, and tremendous (beyond my capacity to understand) sacrifice.

I rarely expound on topics of religion on my blog, out of respect for my many friends and family members who follow our blog, but I feel very strongly about the significance of this holiday. I don't hold any one's religious beliefs against them, and I hope you will afford me the same courtesy. Please know that I do not in any way mean to alienate anyone. I firmly believe that we all have the right to believe as we see fit. As long as we don't hurt anyone, all is well. If you don't believe as I do, I love you and agree to disagree. :-) I also don't want anyone to feel that I am stuffing my feelings about God down their throat(s), because I can think of no greater way to turn my friends away from religion and a relationship with God than to try to "give them" religion. I hope you know that is not my intention.

This I know - I know how much I love my children. I know that I would give my life without hesitation to protect them. I know that my love for my children is only a fraction of the love our Father in Heaven feels for us. And that principle applies to EVERY one of us - from the most devoted and faithful, to those who question His very existence, and even to those who firmly deny Him. Knowing how I feel about my children, I cannot imagine the agony He felt as His son endured incomprehensible pain for all of us. I cannot imagine the mercy and tenderness Christ felt as he suffered every feeling (physical, spiritual, and emotional) that ever has been and ever would be known to man. I know some of you believe this is a fairy-tale spun by man. I don't. I have personally seen and known too much to ever doubt this particular story.

Yes, Christ being born was a great day - a day of promise, hope, and prophesy fulfilled. This is nothing small. But Christ suffering in Gethsemane and sacrificing his very life for us - fulfilling his promise to his Father and siblings - that to me is the single greatest miracle that ever was. That is what I am most thankful for every day of my life. It is so satisfying to my soul to write and proclaim these feelings. I often leave these feelings inside - I keep them from my blog because I don't wish to put others off.

So, since this is something I rarely write about I do want to answer a couple of often asked questions. These answers are only my opinion. Take them, leave them - it is completely your choice.

1) If there's a God, why do bad things happen, especially to innocent people?

This question plagues so many people. My answers are simplistic, but that doesn't make them any less valid.

Some bad things happen because some people choose to make poor choices (i.e. crime, drug use, oppression). God gave us free will. Were He to interfere with the bad choices of people, He would also have to influence the good that happens as well.

Some bad things happen because we need the lessons they offer (adversity, humility, gratitude, compassion). Were we only to smell the sweetest of flowers, we would gradually lose appreciation for what is sweet. We wouldn't know the difference.

Some bad things appear to be bad, when in fact they offer opportunities that couldn't be found any other way. Death is one of the single greatest examples of this principle. Saying goodbye to someone we love (especially before what we would believe to be their time) is one of the most terrible things we endure in this life. It causes people to curse God, be angry with Him, even feel tremendous bitterness and hatred for Him. However, it can also cause people to turn to Him, depend on Him, and lean on Him.

Cancer makes me angry. I hate that amazing people succumb to this horrible disease. It literally makes me nauseated that young mothers leave small children behind, and that children leave parents with holes that do not seem fixable. My heart feels every ounce of that hurt every time I long for my own mother to see my children - every time I realize how she would have been the most amazing grandmother. Yet - I would not be the woman I am today were she still alive. I would not have learned how to become who I am today. I cannot honestly say whether or not I would trade it all to have her alive, but that is not my choice and I am grateful that it isn't. Death is always hardest on those who are left behind. I try to remember always that those who move on, whether young or old, move on to a far better place.

That being said, when tragedy strikes, we all have choices. We can choose to curse the world, or we can choose to mourn, remember, and be mindful of the gift of being alive. And that is why we have choices - because good, bad, or indifferent, we get to choose how we face each day. How we face each day directly affects our entire attitude toward life. Those that choose bitterness often feel that they are forever victimized by the world. It's a handy way to absolve one's self of personal responsibility. It's a great way to escape facing one's own demons. I'm not saying that it's not okay to have a few tough days. Of course it is! The important thing is that you limit the time that you allow yourself to wallow.

This ability to have those choices is our free will - and that free will in turn, is part of why bad things sometimes happen to good people. Without it though, we might as well be automated.

2) Isn't religion a form of oppression? How can you stand to have people tell you how to live and what to do or not do (and why can't everyone go inside the Mormon temples)?

I guess it depends on how you look at it. Yes, my religion has a code of conduct. Nobody makes me obey it though. I choose to live as I see fit. I choose not to drink or smoke. I choose not to have intimate relationships outside of marriage. I find peace in these choices. Modern science has proven that these are safe choices to make. Would I be excommunicated if I chose not to live this way? Possibly yes, possibly no - it depends on the severity of the issue and whether or not I will want to continue those behaviors. The best way to answer this question is with another question - shouldn't I ask to have my name removed from the membership of any church whose tenets I do not wish to abide by? I chose to become a member of my church. I knew all the rules when I joined. I wasn't tricked. If you don't want to follow those rules, that's totally okay. All kinds of places have rules for membership, and if you don't want to abide by those rules, it's perfectly appropriate not to align yourself with those places. It doesn't make them oppressive, and it doesn't make you wrong.

It's true that if you don't believe what I believe and obey the rules of my church that you can't enter the temples my church has built. If I don't obey the rules of my church, I can't enter the temples either.

If you are wanting to learn what a temple looks like inside, go buy a book with pictures of our temples in it. You'll find a book full of historical facts and pictures of very pretty rooms. Also, if you happen to live in an area where a new temple is being built, there are opportunities for the public to view the interior. This is called a temple open house, and they are open to all.

Perhaps you want to share in the experience of seeing a loved one enter into marriage. I can understand that. It happens that in our faith, marriage is a most sacred ordinance - a partnership between husband, wife, and God. Because of the sanctity of this ordinance, it is appropriate to us that it should be performed in the most sacred place possible.

We consider our temples to be sacred and apart from the influence of the world. They are the only places we can go in to and be assured that we do not need to debate our belief system with anyone. Although each of you may firmly believe that you could and would be respectful and mindful of the sanctity of this building, not everyone shares those intentions. There is no way for us to discern this "at the door" so to speak. While we do believe we are led by a prophet, and that we have the ability to receive personal revelation from the Lord, we do not believe in any way, shape, or form that we have psychic abilities! ;-)

We reserve the right to have a quiet place to worship and believe as we choose to. The temple is a place of instruction and quiet worship, and the lessons being taught there are based on principles that are taught every week in our meeting houses. Our weekly meetings are open to any and every person.

Just to clarify, we actually believe that every person (LDS or not) is entitled to receive personal revelation from the Lord (which is to say insight and guidance regarding their own lives and the lives of their direct family members).

Whew, what an eyeful. I know I have a lot of energy on this subject. Again, I do not mean to offend.

I saved what I consider to be the toughest for last -

1) If your church believes that people have the right to live according to their belief system, why did you donate money to help pass Prop. 8?

First, I personally did not donate money to this cause. I never would have. I recognize and do not deny in any way that members of my church in California were encouraged to support this particular action. Were the same action to be proposed in Utah, I still would not donate money to this cause. I do reluctantly see both sides of this story.

Please let me go on record that you can be any race, believe whatever you want, prefer men, prefer women, prefer celibacy, be promiscuous - that does not change whether or not you are my friend. Unless you directly try to sabotage what I teach my family, or you hurt me or my family, all is well.

Homo or hetero, black or white, Jewish or Catholic, in this country there are certain rights all should have: (again, these are my personal opinions)

1) The right to adequate medical care at affordable rates

2) The right to free and public appropriate education

3) The right to live a decent and humane life should you be genuinely incapable of providing this for yourself (that being said, I also believe that if you're accepting government aid to pay your most basic expenses because you aren't in a position to take care of yourself, you probably shouldn't be adding children to your household).

4) The right to commit to a life partner, and to have the government recognize that commitment for all legal, medical, financial, and taxation purposes.

These are not all of the rights I feel people are entitled to, but they are some of the most important ones.

Historically speaking, marriage is a term that traditionally applies to male-female relationships. This is a tricky subject. If I say that marriage is for men and women only and that a female couple or a male couple must find another term, I can easily and rightfully be called out for not having experienced what it's like not to be able to call myself married. If I say that it should be open for all to be "married" then traditional families could easily and rightfully say that I am a traitor to the traditions that God has set forth.

This is what I personally say - the word "marriage" is just a matter of semantics. If you want to say that you are married, and I am married, and he is married and she is married, so be it. I recognize that my beliefs are not totally aligned with that which my church leaders have declared. I am not trying to be willful, and this does not change my level of deep respect for them. For me though, the word in and of itself isn't as important as what it represents: a solid and firm commitment between two people who love each other and have pledged to spend their lives (or eternity) together. The semantic definition of the word is not for me to fight against. The word is much less important (in my mind) than the rights that go with it.

My concern is that the government recognize the choice of life partnership by affording the same legal, medical, financial, and taxation rights to all people. Whether someone is attracted to men or women is of no consequence to me. I do want my children to grow up in as fair of a world as possible. I do want my homosexual friends who love each other and choose to be together in a long term committed relationship to have the same ability to make medical decisions (etc.) as I do.

I do not believe it is the wish of our church's leaders to prohibit anyone from gaining civil rights. It is their wish to protect a belief system of traditional values - simply put that the word marriage defines a union between a man and a woman.

I know exactly what's written in the scriptures about homosexuality. This is the one and only trial I don't even begin to understand in life. And I say trial for this reason:

Not a single one of my friends who are gay ever embraced their sexual preferences from the get go. They were taught they were bad, wrong, different, strange, damaged, less worthy, confused. I have yet to meet anyone who is gay who didn't fight those feelings at some point - who didn't wish to be attracted to the "appropriate" sex. That doesn't mean that there are people out there who haven't been able to accept this aspect of their lives from their first awareness, but they are the exception.

I do know this though - when I stand before the Lord at the end of my life, I will ask him about this issue. Right now, I do not know the answer. I know only that it is my job to be loving, kind, and serve others as best I can. It is my job to accept others, warts and all. It is not my job to blindly trust, and that is why I can choose who to associate with, as well as who not to. I do my best. I am far from perfect.

Speaking of perfection, I have a final thought to those of you who've (a endured to the end of this lengthy post and b) are parents who find themselves questioning why their children go astray and make wrong choices despite the parents' best efforts. It is this:

Of all the people that ever lived, and all the people that ever will live, each and every one of us is a son or daughter of our Heavenly Father. He has children beyond number. He is the most perfect parent that could ever be.

Out of all those children, how many came out perfect?

One.

So give yourself a break. We still have free will, and I'm so grateful we do. And despite our worst mistakes that we make with that free will, we still have a way to return to our Father in Heaven. And that is all because of what Christ did that Easter morn.

It's the most wonderful time of the year.

What's for dinner - Feb/March edition

Sorry I wasn't timely in making my February dinner calendar. We kinda "winged" it for the first couple of weeks - defrosting willy nilly and bein' all crazy n stuff. So, for your inspiration, or indigestion, here are our what's left of February and all of March dinner calendars. Enjoy!

Something Special

Lucky you! The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me! My choice. For you. This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

1- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!

2- What I create will be just for you.

3- It'll be done this year. (might be a little while)

4- You have no clue what it's going to be. I may draw or paint something. I may bake you something and mail it to you. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure!

5- I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.The catch? Oh, the catch is that you must repost this on your blog and offer the same to the first 5 people who do the same on your blog.

The first 5 people to do so and leave a comment telling me they did win a FAB-U-LOUS homemade gift by me! Oh, and be sure to post a picture of what you win when you get it!

When da moon hits a you eye like da bigga pizza pie...

Ah, young love. So sweet, so endearing. So ... how is it that my six year old can think of nothing in the world that makes him happier than a six year old girl? Aren't I supposed to still be the apple of his little eye, the center of his world? Nope - Mom is yesterday's news. Perhaps even so two years ago. Enter Kindergarten. Enter Bella.

After Kindergarten came and went, I thought my son's affection for his sweet Bella would wane. This would only be natural. After all, my son doesn't have enough of an attention span to go upstairs to get his coat without forgetting why he went up in the first place. Bella even switched schools. He doesn't even see her anymore.

But, that doesn't stop him from talking about her. Every night, with the deepest of sighs, he tells us how very much he misses Bella. How sad he'll be because he doesn't think he'll ever get to see her again. I've tried to call and set up play dates, (I'm setting up dates for my son???) but Bella's mom has been busy, and frankly I've been relieved. I truly hoped that as time passed, Adam would think of her less and less. Nope. Fat chance mommy!

So, finally, I caved. I'd tried to reach Jada (Bella's mom) on her phone, and it kept going straight to voicemail. I left messages, but it seemed like perhaps she'd changed her phone number. Perhaps, she was avoiding six year old stalkers. Almost every night for the past three months, I've listened to Adam lament about his long lost love. Understand, that since kindergarten, he has held fast to the notion that Bella is meant to be his wife. I must say that as sweet as he is, it's just a little creepy that my son has committed himself to a girl (and maintained his heartfelt devotion) for almost TWO years now. Last night was the breaking point. I couldn't stand to see his little heart ache for one more day.

I picked him up at school today, and promptly headed for Bella's house. When Adam realized where we were going, he started to whimper. "What's wrong?" I asked, thoroughly confused. After all, wasn't I fulfilling his dream of seeing Bella? "Nothing," he replied, "I'm just trying to get tears of joy." We pulled up to Bella's house, and her mom invited us in. Alas, sweet, beautiful, Bella (Bella Bella? Beautiful Beautiful?) wasn't home. But joy of joys, her mother said that the missing was mutual. Bella still talks about Adam and has been asking her mom to contact us. She hadn't been able to find our phone number (we're not listed) and was glad we stopped by. We set up a play date for tomorrow, and I don't think Adam's feet have touched ground since.

Now, he wants everything to be perfect. He told us we need to clean the house because Isabella was coming over. (By the way, he has taken it upon himself to call her by her given name instead of her nickname. This is serious stuff.) He also decided that he needs to take a shower so that he smells good for Bella. He doesn't want her to come in our house and smell a bad smell on him. He also wants me to wake up early so we can pick out a special outfit for the day so that none of the other kids will even recognize him. Also, he wants me to do his hair. WHAT???? He's SIX!!!! Boys had cooties until at least fourth grade. Adam says "When I realized how cute she was, I fell in love."

As much as I have mixed feelings about my baby boy being in love at six, it is kinda sweet and romantic. Creepy, but sweet and romantic.

As a caveat, I'm very lucky that Jada has such a good take on all of this. You see, her husband fell in love with her in first grade. I now pronounce you Bella and Adam. But no kissing. You're not old enough yet!

PS - the morning after this was written (day of Isabella's visit), Adam proudly informed me that he brushed his teeth THREE times!

Just in case you have no idea what all this is about, see the following links:

http://thehootenfamily.blogspot.com/2008/10/one-of-these-things-in-not-like-others.html

or here:

http://thehootenfamily.blogspot.com/2008/07/land-of-make-believe.html

or here:

http://thehootenfamily.blogspot.com/2008/02/ive-got-crush-on-you-sweetie-pie-or-in.html

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

We have been busy like the bumblebee. I promise to put a new post in soon, but for right now, just know that we love you, our dear friends and family, and promise to write again soon.

What a hoot...

Things Thomas had learned to do in the last (nearly) five months...


Resemble his namesake (middle anyway), Grandpa John...




Tell us exactly what he thinks...




Drool profusely to prepare for growing teeth...




Giggle ...



Be a Hoot (Thanks Aliyah, for the great owl onesie)



We are enjoying him immensely!

Until next time...